Just Mum.

I finished my play Winterlong on Saturday. A relief in one way because now I can sleep and put my children to bed but sad too because I really loved the job. I think it's the best play I've ever been in. Genuinely. The writing, direction, my role. I never get cast in parts like these. It's refreshing to play someone so different. And the dialogue. Blimey. I could gush for hours about how superbly it's written and how I rate the writer but he's one of my two followers on here so I won't stroke his ego much, he's got plenty of that to come from the rest of the world. I fell asleep at 8 last night. Fully clothed and seconds after a full bar of Butterscotch Green and Blacks. I have a friend who treats herself to one small square a night. I can't eat just a small bar never mind a square. If I open a box of Jaffa Cakes I tend to scoff the lot in one go. All not nothing.

I've started to do some bits of publicity for my series which airs in a couple of weeks. A nice fellow that interviewed me yesterday said he'd read my blog. I was immediately embarrassed. I only expected a couple of friends to check it out, humouring me. Not someone who writes for a living. I've always had a strong desire to write. I've written stuff. Haven't most actors? But the thoughts I have in my head translate badly on the page. Better to say lines for others I guess.

It's funny how blue I feel when a job has finished. It happens every time. It's so much easier with those gorgeous sons of mine jumping all over me and getting me to dress up as a naughty queen. But still I can't help but think I'll never work again. After 3 days. Silly. Ridiculous. I'm lucky to have worked at all. I had a long time off though and you can never take anything for granted in this job. Saying goodbye (again) to cigarettes has been hard. I'm sure it's the reason I'm feeling the loss. I gave up smoking ten years ago but insisted on smoking "proper" fags in the play. Everyone said I was mad. I was sure it was for artistic reasons but I didn't half chuff away on my two per show. How did I go from being a bitter vitriolic ex-smoker to wishing the play would start so I could have one??

It's good to be there for my children having been away working for so long. The guilt overwhelms sometimes. I know I need to be who I am and all that stuff that people tell me but I do really miss them. My eldest already thinks I'm a dork, at just 5. The guy from Mister Maker on CBeebies made a appearance on Grandpa In My Pocket (that's got to be my favourite kids' show) tonight and I said to my eldest, "He looks like Mister Maker". He said, " That's because he's the same actor, Mum!" Mum??? He calls me Mum when he's appalled at my stupidity. 

Lots of hanging out with Mums and little ones this week and will try and get someone to sit with my sleeping children so I can see Norwegian Wood or Animal Kingdom. Maybe after a few more nights in bed at 8. Actually it's past my bedtime now. Night.